Relationship therapist reveals 6 small things happy couples do, and #3 is more important than you might think

If you're looking for the key to longevity in your relationship, an expert has revealed the top six things you need to be doing.

Relationship experts have some tricky territory to navigate, from partners that could be cheating, to couples wanting to spice up their relationship. Some experts have even weighed in on the benefits of the simplest way to bring affection to a partnership, explaining why hugging matters. 

When young children are thrown into the mix, it can be far too easy to put a relationship on the back burner, while parents prioritise sleep and the physical and emotional well-being of their offspring. 

Plenty of discussion has also been given to this stage of intimacy adjustment, with parenting hacks to improve your relationship during this tough stage readily available. Kristina Virro is a psychotherapist and couple’s therapist, with a large following on TikTok, who adds to the discussion surrounding happiness in a partnership. 

Known on the platform as 'TherapyKristina', she recently delved into her perspective on the six things happy couples do in their relationships to maintain longevity. Her audience of over 100,000 agreed, with many commenting that they implement her advice with their other halves to keep the spark alive. 

Six things happy couples do:

@therapykristina

♬ original sound - TherapyKristina

1. Create micro moments of connection
2. Ask your partner how their day has been
3. Actively listen to each other
4. Offer one another love and physical attention outside of sex 
5. Show appreciation
6. Do thoughtful things from a place of generosity

Kristina concedes that her six nuggets of advice are small, but suggests "The accumulation of them makes a huge impact on a relationship" in the long run.

Elaborating on creating micro moments of connection, Kristina suggested this can be as simple as offering a good morning kiss every day, or giving a small hug before a partner leaves for work. 

Moving on to asking a partner how their day has been, Kristina said "It's really easy to forget to check in on one another, when you just get lost in the hustle and bustle of life." She suggests this small act when combined with the others will make a positive improvement to overall happiness.

In Kristina's opinion, active listening includes asking questions, offering undivided attention, and putting away your phone. According to Very Well Mind, active listening is a communication skill that requires honing, going far beyond hearing the words another person speaks, but understanding the meaning and intent behind them. 

To listen actively, a person should be fully present in the conversation, and show their interest in it by using good eye contact. Non-verbal clues should be taken in and acted on, with open ended questions asked to encourage further responses.

The listener should paraphrase and reflect back what has been said to them, to demonstrate listening to understand, rather than simply just respond. Active listening is a skill that can be transferred to a number of settings, including with children, at work, or in social situations.

To give your partner loving attention away from sex, Kristina suggests subtle actions such as hand holding, or playing with your partner's hair. 

Moving on to showing appreciation, this is one that can be very much lacking when small children are involved and everyone is busy. Kristina said that simply telling your partner "thank you for loading the dishwasher," or "thank you for picking our son up from school," can make a big difference.

She went on to add that some women might respond to this with "Does he need a trophy every time he does something?" adding "It's not about that, it's about creating a loving, kind culture in your home."

It's worth adding that these actions work both ways - reciprocal thanks from the other person in the relationship is required, particularly if they're the one not taking on the majority of household tasks and the mental load.

Kristina concluded by suggesting doing thoughtful things from a place of generosity is the final small thing that will increase happiness in a relationship. She suggested bringing a morning cup of coffee or leaving a love note can work in this instance.

Many people responded positively to Kristina's advice, with one saying "It’s sad to think that this isn’t the norm in relationships. 20 years strong and it honestly just gets better thanks to things like this!"

Another added "My wife and I do all these things everyday with out even thinking about it. She’s my best friend and we always take time to check in on each other."

Elsewhere, our columnist Cat Sims shared the one phrase that saved her marriage, and her thoughts on divorce and why some women regret it. If you simply want to talk about spooning and how it can help your relationship, we also have you covered.